How to Accept a Compliment
Being at the Right Place at the Right Time
The Little Things in Relationships
Grandma’s Hacks
The Gift of Grandma
When I think about my grandma, I feel grateful for having known and loved her. My grandma was a domestic goddess – a magician really. She could make something out of nothing; she had no choice. Every penny counted, and dollars had to stretch like Gumby. Since necessity is the mother of invention, this woman who hailed from a much different time and space than my own had so many special and creative gifts and practical knowledge for which she never gave herself reasonable credit. I knew my Grandma well and in ways that remain sacred. One being her kitchen ingenuity. I loved to watch her cook!
The only way I like eggs are fried over-medium, but I inevitably crack my yolk 99% of the time during the flip – hence the egg becoming dog food or trash. I was lamenting to her once about this frustration when she informed me she hardly ever flipped her fried eggs – which to date are the best I’ve ever had. She told me in order to cook the top all I had to do was steam the top after frying the underside – a bit of water and a lid and voila!, no flip required!!! I’m pleased to report, (if I can remember to keep my burner at temperature that is not too high) my eggs come out the way I like them most of the time. Thanks Grandma!
Grandma Hacks
If my grandma had such incredible knowledge about the stuff of everyday life, I am certain the other women of her generation and those before had a litany of household remedies, tips, and tricks for any domestic obstacle – I guess in our 21st century, we would call them “hacks”. That got me wondering what were some “Grandma Hacks” for beauty that might still be useful. Here are some you can try:
Protect Your Hands – Can you see the Joan Clever-esque woman at the kitchen sink with the rubber gloves up to her forearm? Or can you see the white gloves on her as she strolls through the grocery store? There were gloves for chores, gloves for gardening and gloves for going out. Instead of being busy finding the world’s greatest hand lotion, grandma was in the business of protecting her hands from the harsh chemicals in the cleaning agents and the environment. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…
Use Lemon – It’s not just to flavor up your water! Grandma used lemon and water in equal parts (applied with a Qtip) to cure acne because the antibacterial properties in the lemon break down the bacteria that causes those pesky pimples. Lemon is also great to whiten fingernails, lighten hyper pigmented areas of the skin, and even to highlight your hair in summer months!
Sleep on a Silk Pillow Case – Want to wake up looking more like the women do on television (without the lighting, makeup, or staff)? Silk is better for your skin and hair than cotton. Cotton pillow cases crease the skin because it continuously tugs at the delicate parts of the face and neck creating wrinkles. Cotton also absorbs the hydration your face is replenishing as you sleep. Silk is also hypoallergenic so you will breathe more easily and reduce allergy-related symptoms all while it maintains your perfect body temperature. Furthermore, a cotton pillow case contributes to frizzy hair and the dreaded bed-head.
Actively Take Care of Your Skin – whether they were moisturizing with sour cream, honey, fruit, cocoa or shea butter, olive oil, or Ponds Cold Creme – these frugal and inventive women were going to their kitchens, not the drugstore to tend their skin. They understood that hydration was key to maintaining a supple, natural bright and glowing face. Additionally these women knew the power of exfoliation to sluff off the dead cells – they mixed some granulated sugar with their soap a couple of times a week.
Dress Up Your Eyes and Lips – Grandma knew lipstick and lashes were the keys to femininity. Grandma didn’t go to the curb, let alone into public without these cosmetic essentials. Applying your mascara first lends itself to needing less other eye makeup as does a tamed but full eyebrow. Embracing the power of all things woman, she wore lipstick because she understood it as a symbol of beauty and strength throughout time. Lipstick showcases your face…don’t be afraid…lipstick is magic and gives a woman confidence.
So Grandma I’m certain would have had some relationship hacks for us as well that were pretty standard practice in her time. Now that you’ve used some of her beauty tips to keep your partner’s attention, here are some ways to keep the fire stoked.
Grandma’s Relationship Hacks
Turn off the Device and Put Down the Planner. Be acutely reminded of how you love the way your partner looks, smells, speaks. Look into one another’s eyes and gain intimacy through gazing. Simply be together and deem it sacred time without technological or logistical distraction.
Be Fully Present. Engage your senses in that time and space only. Don’t be checking your watch or phone – make your attention in that precious moment undivided and therefore, special.
Open Your Mouth. You can never tell someone how you appreciate, like, respect, honor, or enjoy them enough. Don’t wait until you are unable to say all the niceties and compliments to the one you love – directly. Swallow your pride if need be – you aren’t weak for relaying what is on your heart.
Commit to Grow Together. People change – that’s the rule, not the exception. Follow through on a promise to work through the changes together, even when that’s ugly or messy. It is unreasonable to expect another to solve your problems – use one another’s strengths and complimentary personality traits to build eachother up.
Focus on Inner Beauty. The person is not their body – the body is going to age – the person you meet will not stay the same. Make certain you are appreciating the who of the other person and not the what.
Tell the Truth. The truth is the ultimate liberation and the great leveler. Don’t aim to be ‘brutally’ honest – why would you be brutal to the one you claim to love? Even if the truth is a difficult one, it is the only foundation for long-lasting relationships.
Be A United Front. Working on your relational issues with one another ONLY is paramount. It is not advantageous to work it out with others – this produces structural damage in the relationship. Some things need to remain private because outsiders only have their one-sided perspective. And certainly don’t put your business “in the street” of social media – no good can come from that.
Be A Cheerleader. It is imperative that your partners biggest support and encourager privately and publicly is you! Stay positive and optimistic. Celebrate the small things frequently, as they end up being the big things. When a situation is inherently negative, find the positive in the lesson learned and keep the focus there.
Keep Your Promises…And Then Some. Do more than what you said you were going to do. Remain devoted even when you don’t feel like it. Love is a verb so show your love by making ‘above and beyond’ the standard in all ways. Love is anticipating the needs and desires of your beloved.
Remain True. To be loyal to God and Country pales sometimes in comparison to remaining loyal to a person. Without becoming a sacrificial lamb for them, choose to walk beside them through the battles as a comrade in this life and forgive often. Don’t confuse this for enabling or supporting unhealthy behaviors. There is no greater gift than love expressed as loyalty.
I am certain Grandma had her stuff together in many ways that we don’t these days. These “oldies but goodies” are worth some consideration.
Sources:
www.thebeautybean.com/skin-2/beauty-secrets-learned-from-grandma
www.beautyandtips.com/beauty-2/10-grandmas-beauty-tips-that-work-like-a-charm
Taking Care
I am 38 years old. I usually express my age joyfully but with a negative spirit in relationship to aging. That stops now as I was awakened in this way. I am ONLY 38 years old and god-willin’ have many days ahead of me to age, joyfully.
I was made aware of the passing of a childhood friend and classmate yesterday – he was 39. In the wake of his earthly departure, he has a family and an entire community mourning his loss and celebrating the gift of his beautiful spirit. This man was truly one the “nice guys”, the “good guys” -the gentle and sincere kind of man that exuded a subtle and unmistakable strength. He was certainly an old soul and those of us that were fortunate enough to know him were truly blessed. In recent years, I found that when he ‘liked’ something of mine on Facebook, even though I hadn’t been in touch with him (in a non-technological way) in years, a gentle smile crept across my face and there was a slight ‘warm-fuzzy’ I felt in my heart. I understand that this tender man had an impact because he was ‘just’ a pleasant, jovial, for-real guy. Who he was authentically made a difference to many, including me.
In his honor..please take care.
What Are You Actually Saying?
When departing a social situation, we often give the salutation, “Take Care!” And like so many other things in life, we say this out of habit or posterity in order to seem more genuine to the other party. We don’t consider the levity of our spoken word and the impact it truly has.
Do we authentically mean to tell the person to ‘take care’? There is a barrage of interpretations that lives in the space of that one departing colloquialism. Generally it is declarative – YOU take care – Of yourself? In general? Of others? Of a situation? The recipient of the care goes unidentified most times.
Speak With A Purpose.
I propose that our casual and well-meaning ambiguity needs to evolve to a place where we say exactly what we mean in an appropriate, selfless, present fashion. We basically are asking that person we care about (to whatever degree) to take care of themselves so that we may meet again. That is a sweet notion so we must honor message through sincere non-verbal communication such as glances, appropriate and gentle touch, nods, hugs, all while being mindful of our tone.
Make the Mundane Priceless.
People are people and deserve to be recognized as valuable and their experiences validated. This does not mean that you have to be interested in every detail or even having an in-depth interaction with them; they may not want that. I am urging you to adequately and genuinely express care so that it may be a gift. It may be the boost that person (or you) needs that day – just to know someone actually TOOK CARE to honor them and their journey in an intentional way in the course of everyday interaction.
The Need to Fall Down
The longer I am a parent, the more I understand that our children are our intended teachers. It’s designed that way by God. This is because they are closer to The Creator; at some level, children remember to a greater degree of spiritual truths that seemingly become less accessible to adults in the human condition.
Children are enamored by the wonder of life without being crippled by fear or overly concerned with the opinions and acceptance of others.
Over the last month or so I have been truly astounded by my baby son who has evolved from a crawler into a walker. My little Precious MOVES when he is on all fours; I mean this little guy makes tracks from one end of the house to the other! Crawling for him is expeditious and efficient – two really important qualities for anyone who is navigating life.
Through his travels around the living room visiting different toy–friends and familiarizing himself with various pieces of furniture, he quickly became less crawler and more walker. He clearly preferred to be upright, on his feet even though it was the more difficult mobility option.
He would grab the nearest balancing object and then begun the “side shuffle.” He engaged each object, working the circumference of the room until there were no aides left (human or inanimate) – then he went with a quickness on his hands and knees to his next destination – where he could again stand and shuffle, beginning the process again.
Every day he made noticeable gains towards proficiency, and it was clear he was in the early stages of walking. This infant child was taking risks constantly. He had many obstacles and dangers he was totally unaware of that he consistently faced. Undaunted, he continued letting go of his supports in order to go farther and attempt another independent step, much to my heart’s thrill and woe.
There was one aspect of this amazing process that intrigued me and demanded personal reflection – the falling down. This child fell down so many times every day. Left foot forward…Wobble…regain balance… Right foot forward … Wobble… Wobble… Fall. He might fall on his behind, he might fall forward, he might bump his head. The miracle was his tireless getting back up!
I’m sure he fell at least 50 times a day and when he was really stretching himself, I’m certain he fell more. This baby got up after every fall: he didn’t complain, he wasn’t deterred, he wasn’t discouraged. He didn’t stop trying – he was set on mastery. I, on the other hand, was exhausted watching him fall down over and over again.
After numerous goose eggs and bruises, teeters and falls, my baby son could have chosen method of mobility that worked well for him (for a couple of short months). Crawling no longer satisfied him as he understood at some innate level that he was meant to walk. With every attempt, he was mentally and physically stronger and more confident in his abilities and prepared for the next stage of learning. And after a relatively short amount of time, I am proud to report he is now a full-fledged upright, walking human being!
There were two ah-has that resounded while I had the pleasure of watching this astounding process. The first – whatever it is that motivates us as people to achieve a goal is put in us divinely with spiritual certainty. We are meant to achieve it. If we don’t, there is a discontent, an unsettling that resides in us until we do. However, reaching that goal comes with obstacles and tiresome requirements that demand we grow and change. Growth and change are challenging and often not graceful, but incredibly rewarding. We will fall down – again, and again. We mustn’t think about the getting up – we must simply get up, taking the lessons of the last stumble or fall with us to guide our steps with wisdom. We must get up when we are weary, when we are tired, when we are frustrated, when we consciously understand crawling would be easier, though unnatural.
Lesson two – it is our very nature to grow – to do the next thing – to try harder, to reach, to level up in the knowledge and skill. It would be an arguably easier to crawl than learn to walk, but it wouldn’t satisfy us. It wouldn’t give us a challenge or sense of accomplishment. It is our nature to push ourselves.
It has become crystal clear to me that we are divinely designed to evolve in every aspect of our lives. It’s a given that there will be inherent growing pains and hardships on the path of achievement. And so what?! It’s against our human nature to be stagnant – we must quench our spiritual thirst to be the best version of ourselves over and over again, until we literally die trying.
I am so grateful for my beautiful, unapologetic, brave, tenacious walking son. I am anxiously awaiting his need to run.
Why do people hide things from you?
Welcome to The Nudge!
My hope is that this weekly advice column will help you find direction when life’s journey is a little confusing. I hope to give you a nudge that makes sense for you. If you’d like to submit a question, please leave a comment below.
In this video, I’ll be tackling the question, Why do people hide things from you?
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