You’re Invited
You’ve got more month than money, again. The kids are not doing well in school, or they are disobedient, or they are ungrateful and unappreciative. Your romantic life is lackluster, non-existent, or you’re heartbroken. The house needs attention, the car needs repairs, the animals need to go to the vet. You wish you had the resources for a vacation or spa day. You yearn for more hours in the day so you could meditate, work out, cook, craft, or express creativity. Coworkers are on your nerves and you hate your job. Friends are absent or seemingly disinterested in you. You’re feeling lonely, misunderstood, unappreciated, broke, downtrodden, heavy-hearted, defeated, tired, and unable to access the answers to rectify these issues in your heart.
“Party on Wayne!”
In response to all these emotions and situations, you throw a party…a pity party. It’s a real good time…it’s a time decorated with tears and anger. Your playlist consists of sad slow songs. You invite others to your party through isolation, manipulation, and punishment. You cater it with liquid, illicit, or prescription libations and with phone calls to your mother or best friends hoping elicit sympathy. You throw up vague social media posts that beg the “I hope you feel better” or “What’s the matter” response in the comment section. Your dance moves involve overreacting, pouting, huffing, puffing and getting angry consistently. You are in the major throws of feeling sorry for yourself and in total “why me” mode. This pity party is a smash!
However, as parties go, they are intense, expensive, and don’t last very long. Once they’re over, someone has to clean up the mess and repair any damages. If it’s a good party, you may leave with a favor and certainly some vivid memories to carry with you for ages to come. Pity parties are no exception.
No one is immune to the pity party; everyone has moments where life seems to get the better of them. Pity parties have a place when we are sorting out life’s difficult and overwhelming moments and situations. They are a recognition and acknowledgement of our pain, disappointment, fears, anger, and insecurities. These emotions whether rational or not are very real and require our attention so they can be resolved. The first stage of moving through these tribulations to potential healing usually is the pity party. But too much of a good thing is not a good thing.
Party’s Over
Pity parties that go on too long are hugely detrimental. Parties are highlighted (or lowlighted) moments of life; they are not to be the norm. Pity parties that go on too long distort reality for the host/hostess. Depression and bitterness take hold and the power of the party to become a catalyst for change and revelation is rendered helpless. Hence life becomes one ongoing pity party and the host/hostess’ personal greatness and ability to make clear-minded choices an actual growth are hidden or destroyed.
But how do you know when and how to shut the pity party down – turn off the music, turn on the lights, tell the guests to leave, and get a new perspective? When it becomes comfortable is when. Discomfort perpetuates growth because we don’t want to stay where there is unsuredness and grief; our nature wants out of that space.
Until We Meet Again
When you know it’s time, I recommend the following for forward motion:
- Recite “The Serenity Prayer and then dance to upbeat music
- List or journal the issues that prompted the party
- Categorize them in “This too shall pass” (acknowledge and let go of these immediately) or “Tackle” categories
- If you have to tackle it, brainstorm how – get a plan – productivity equals positivity because you reclaim power
- Work the Law of Attraction – mind your thoughts, beliefs, words, and feelings – you will get back what you put out. This requires staying positive if you want positive outcomes
- If you feel the tendency or need to resume the pity party with the same ol’ themes, refuse to attend and consult your list.
So party animals what are your favorite event planning techniques for your pity parties? Where do they ultimately get you?
